As you can see this post comes in the wee hours of the morning. After trying for several hours, I have given up on my quest for sleep. This is the 2nd night this week for which sleep escapes me. I wish I could say I don't know why this is happening, but I do. It's my old friend Anxiety. She decided to stay over for a while.
How do I know it's anxiety? That's easy, I chewed up a bag of bubblegum in 2 days and I'm stress eating. If I still smoked, I'd be chaining. I ate a bunch of food around midnight. It wasn't junk food. I had a bowl of cereal and a banana. Then I ate a breakfast biscuit. I would have eaten a bag of chips if I had any. I didn't buy any junk food because I am trying to improve my eating habits. So far this week I've done pretty well. I actually been cooking and even having vegetables.
I still don't know why I have so much anxiety. I suspect it's the job. It's boring. I speak to providers all day. I'm not taking calls from members yet. I suppose I should be glad of that. However, all of my calls are the same. I just verify benefits. I try to make it interesting, but I can't really get too deep because I'm just a level 1. If I ask questions on the team chat about something complicated, I'm told to transfer to a level 2. I still research the issue on my own time. However, there are times I'm glad I get to transfer it to someone else. I kind of like the calls where the provider can't find a member. I get to ask questions and research the person to see if they're in the system.
I'm still missing things on quality. The damn self service referral is kicking my ass. I try to incorporate into my regular verbiage, but it just doesn't flow. I have a sticky note on my computer to remind me. Sometimes, I don't get to everything because I forget that I am the one who controls the pace of the call. This is especially true of third party callers. Most of them are from a foreigner, especially those from India. I don't understand them half the time, and they either talk too fast or mumble. I have learned to make them wait. I have to ask them to repeat themselves often. Some of them get frustrated. At times they have hung up on me, but fuck them.
I try not to get discouraged, but at around 3 pm, my enthusiasm for my job wanes. I am pretty chipper in the morning. But by the time my lunch hour rolls around I couldn't really give a good goddamn. Today, I did a lot at lunch. I folded my laundry and put the dishes away. I took Kyber for a walk and still had time to eat my salad and watch a little TV. I'm trying not to sleep so much. Tomorrow, I'll probably have a cat nap. I don't have anything to fix for lunch. I'll have yogurt for midmorning snack. Since I already ate my cereal, maybe I'll have the last egg, bacon and toast. I bought some really good 12 grain bread. It's quite hearty. It makes a good sandwich. I could make tuna salad for lunch, but I don't think I have enough mayo. I'll have to check.
My shoulder started burning again the other day. Is it possible to tear your rotator cuff twice? I see the doctor for what is supposed to be my discharge visit on June 10th. However, I have a bad feeling. I can lift my arm, but it hurts. I wouldn't care too much if it was just stiff or creaky, but it's really burning especially today. I had to put a lidocaine patch on it.
I had scheduled some time off in June, but I had to cancel it because I don't have a PTO hours. I thought I'd be able to borrow them like I've done before, but my new supervisor doesn't do that. Also, I've been getting notices from Workforce Management about my adherence. Someone has been sending in system issue note indicating I'm not signed in for hours. I don't understand it, because I'm signed into the cloud at my start time of 11:20 until I sign off at 8 pm. I have to get to the bottom of it, because that's messing with my bonus money. I sent him an email about it, but I haven't heard anything yet.
Things with David are going well. We talk here and there during the week because we both have busy schedules. He's a personal trainer and his first appointment is in the morning around 7:30 am. He was on his way to his last session tonight at 8:30 pm. I asked him if he normally worked that late, he said not usually, but he's expensive so he tries to accommodate his clients. He like the fact that I'm so much shorter than he is. I hope he doesn't mind my being a chubster. I can't really help it, except for my binge eating. I am limited in my activities due to my ankle, leg and back injuries. But once I get back to physical therapy I'm going to do strength training and figure out some kind of cardio I can do to burn some sugar and fat.
I can't believe that he doesn't mind my illnesses. I told him about my diabetes, my bipolar, and my other things and he said he didn't hear anything to change his mind about me. He said his deal breaker is lying. Which is a good thing I'm pretty honest. I don't lie too often, except to April and Erica. Those are more sins of omission. But I'll admit that I have outright lied to them about taking time off. However, that has to stop, since I can't rely on my social security anymore, I have to go to work everyday, which I hate. I need at least 2 vacation days a month to keep from going bonkers. But now that I don't have any PTO built up right now, I'm stuck. I'm going to try to save up my PTO so I can do something special for my birthday. Hell, I'm still trying to get to Savannah. Maybe if things keep going well with David, he'll take me somewhere for a weekend. Did I mention he's 6'4" and very good looking? Well he is. He'll probably break me. I need to see my gynecologist. The last time I had sex, I had a tear and ended up bleeding. I have to make sure everything is cool down there and get some kind of lubricant or something. I can't believe how dry I am. Menopause bites.
Well, I suppose I should sign off and try to get a couple hour of sleep. I'll talk atcha later.
Peace, Joy, Love - Queen B
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