Well, it's a 3 day weekend. I was excited about it until it actually got here. I did nothing yesterday. I was up for most of the night, finally falling asleep around 2:30 or was it 3 am. I don't remember. I woke up at 8:20 and fed the cats. I ate my breakfast and fell asleep on the couch.
I was all set for a pleasant weekend and my stupid sister barked at me for no reason. Didn't say good morning or anything. She was just like, well, a bitch. They take for granted the fact that I wake up early, especially on the weekends. The cats eat around 6:30 to 7 am during the week. So, naturally, they want to eat at the same time on Saturday and Sunday. Since I get up first, I feed them. I also usually walk the dog, because Erica will sleep until 10 am, and he normally goes out at 7:30 am. However, if I don't do these things, they get upset with me.
The fact that I'm averaging 4 hours of sleep a night doesn't matter to them. They fall asleep right away. It takes me a while to fall asleep, even though I take 300 mg of trazadone. I was tired, so I took a little nap this afternoon. They went to the movies, so I went to bed at 9:30 and slept until 11:30 but I woke up hungry so I got a bowl of cereal. Then my back started hurting. I took the last of my muscle relaxers before going to bed, so I'm just stuck with this pain. I popped 4 ibuprofen tablets about a half hour ago. I hope it works. I'd like to get some more sleep.
I swear, going to sleep is like a quest for a long lost treasure. I have to go through a ritual to wind down. I have to wash my face, braid my hair and then watch my wind down show and fall asleep. I've tried falling asleep without the TV, but my brain starts to fire up the imagination machine. It starts to run a million miles per hour and I can't relax. The TV, particularly, Everybody Loves Raymond, helps me focus believe it or not. I read an article that said people who watch the same shows over and over suffer from anxiety and use the show as a way to relax because they know the outcome. I find this to be true. It's the same reason I watch the same movies over and over.
I can only watch new movies during the day so I have time to process the information. I can't watch a new show or movie at night because it causes me to have dreams, sometimes not so pleasant. I also can't watch thrillers or psychological movies before bed. Basically, I can't watch anything that causes me to think because it causes anxiety and nightmares. Lately, my nightmares have caused my sleep apnea to act up. I wake up struggling to breath.
I think the ibuprofen is kicking in finally. I'm getting sleepy again. Think I'll try to go to bed again. Wish me luck. I made an appointment with a new therapist for yesterday afternoon, but she didn't show. She said that the site must have had a glitch, but I'm like whatever. At any rate, I found availability with a former therapist, so I booked an appointment with her for Thursday morning at 9 am. I hope I make it. I prefer my appointments on the weekends, but I'm giving platelets on the 31st. That's a 2 to 3 hour ordeal. I may cancel it. I don't know. I didn't like it, it's not like giving blood which only takes 10 minutes. However, I want to help people, and there is an emergency platelet shortage. I consider it my monthly charitable donation along with ASPCA and Heifer International. Oh well, I'm out.
Peace, Joy, Love - Bebe
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