Well, things are pretty much the same. My brain has decided to take an extended vacation. I have no motivation to do anything. For example, I am trying to make a schedule for my day in order to find some purpose in every day. It's exhausting trying to think of things to do. I got stuck after making time for breakfast. I suppose I better put down time to bathe. That's the only way it's going to get done.
I wanted to shower today, but I was running late for a doctor appointment, so I had to go as I was. I was semi-clean. I took a shower yesterday. I washed my hair last weekend. I'm having a lot of trouble with my teeth however. I just can't seem to remember to do it. I usually run some toothpaste over them at night.
After I shower, I still have nothing on the schedule to do. Usually, I take a nap. The point of making a schedule is to have a list of things to do. I suppose I could look for another job. I could find some volunteer opportunities. I need to get back to school. That's my preference. I think I would like to go to school fulltime. I like learning and studying. Unfortunately, I need money, so I have to work. I was thinking I could apply for disability again. I mean it's clear I can't hold a job.
It's weird, I feel like I have cobwebs all over my eyes. It's like I pull them off during the day, but then they come back. Each morning they are thicker and more blinding. Some mornings, I feel like I can't see at all. They are back on my eyes right now. I feel like I could take a nap.
I went to the endocrinologist today. I had bloodwork done, and got a small scolding from my doctor because I haven't been using my glucometer sensor or using my insulin pump. Right now my blood sugar is 400. Normal is 100-120. So my sugar is really high. I suppose I should go to the hospital, but I don't want to. I hate hospitals now. I hate all the noise and the smells. Hospitals really aren't restful.
I don't know how I feel. I am disconnected from the world. I don't really care about too much. The rent is late, and I got a notice about the car. I have to pay $950 on Friday, otherwise it will be repossessed. Fortunately, April gets paid this week. I get my $450 std benefit. I'm behind on everything. We're in a real financial mess. As much as I love Erica, and want her to fulfill her dreams, I need her to get a job.
I may need to contact my Aunt D for some financial assistance, but I am just too consumed with guilt and shame. I need to go to the food bank tomorrow. I suppose that will be my goal for tomorrow. God, I'm tired.
No comments:
Post a Comment