So, I've been in a depression for a few weeks. Actually, it started in July. It just gradually got worse until it came to a head on August 19th, 2 days after my birthday. My birthday was quiet, nothing special, but I was pretty disconnected by then. I called my therapist in a full blown panic. She put me on STD immediately. I haven't been to work since August 13th. It came with a little relief, but I am not feeling better.
I am still disconnected. The 2 halves of my brain are fighting for control. Right now, the left side is winning which is evident because I am now able to put some words together. I also have a tremendous headache on the left side of my head. I am a little confused and have poor concentration.
I am taking one day at a time. I've set very small basic goals for myself everyday. For example, I took a shower today. I had not taken in shower in a week. It took so much effort to do it. I just barely was able to lift my arms and wash my body. I did feel better once I bathed and put on clean clothes. That enabled me to complete my second goal, which was going to get cat food.
After that, I made myself a turkey sandwich and took a nap. Even though these goals are very small and doable, I am tired after doing something so simple. I did do a little cleaning because the house was in disarray. No one really cleans but me, and I have not been in much of a mood to clean. I have absolutely no motivation to do anything. Believe me when I say, this is taking a lot of effort from me.
So, I've been sleeping a lot, and watching a little television. I found myself watching Murder, She Wrote for the past week. It's harmless and mildly entertaining.
Well, I guess that's all for now. I need to take another nap.
B
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