Sketches of a Bipolar Girl: A Case of Melancholia

Attention Please:  I seem to have lost my mojo.  Has anyone seen it?  I would describe it as a sparkle of the eye, the enthusiasm for life, and the zip in my doo da.  I don't know what happened to it.  I just got it a month ago.  I picked it up for a mere $1600 at the hospital.  As it was rather expensive, you can understand my concern. 
Of course, it may have been a case of hypomania, which fades after a time.  If that is the case, I have been hoodwinked!  I spent 7 weeks in the hospital learning coping skills and sharing my most innermost feelings for a temporary fix!  I will write the complaint department, as soon as I figure out whom is to blame.
Here I am, going around, stating to the world that I have never felt better.  I proclaimed that I am a fierce warrior woman, who is strong enough to handle life's adversities.  Yet, here I am feeling tired and listless again.  I have insomnia again.  The negative thoughts are churning in my mind, and despite all my efforts, I cannot get rid of them.  I cry for seemingly no reason, and despise the mere sight of myself.
If this were the 1800's, I would be diagnosed with melancholia and shipped of to a sanitarium.  I would be given sedatives and ice baths.  Or, if I could afford a psychiatrist, I'd be diagnosed as hysterical and treated with orgasmic therapy.  In any event, I'm glad I live in the 21st century.  Now, they just give you drugs for being melancholy.
I see my doctor at the end of the month, but if this feeling doesn't pass in a week, I am supposed to call him.  I know what the problem is.  Lack of exercise is the problem.  When I walk for 30 minutes a day, I feel good.  My head is clear, and I have more energy.  So why don't I do it?  I told you;  I lost my mojo.  I lack all desire for anything pleasurable.  I even tried masturbation the other night.  But, I lost interest, and got a bowl of cereal instead.  My libido is such, that if I were propositioned by a very sexy man, I would turn him down to watch something on Amazon.
What is the next step?  I don't know.  I guess I just need to keep posting, journaling and blogging until I find the right words to inspire me to pick up my warrior's sword and start cutting down those obstacles.  I wish I had some friends.  It's more fun to have a whole group of warrior women working together.  If I could afford it, I would go somewhere with other people to join their army. 
Oh well,  if you see my mojo, please let me know.  In the meantime, I'll try my best to muddle through.  Peace, Joy, Love - B