the Shower

I need to take a shower and wash my hair.  Not a big deal for most people, but it is for me.  Right now, I'm kinda depressed.  When I am depressed I do not do my ADLs (activities of daily living).  That is one of the symptoms of depression, lack of hygiene.  When I am manic, I shower 2 or 3 times a day.  Mostly just to calm down, and try and retain a thought.

It started 4 days ago.  I think that is the last time I bathed.  I did brush my teeth today though.  It took a lot of effort.  It feels like the toothbrush weighs 5 lbs. The noise of brushing, oh my poor ears! 

I hate taking off my clothes and looking at my lumpy body in the mirror.  I try not to look.  I hate my body.  I have a fat stomach, saggy boobs and a flat ass.  I also have scars all over from my various surgeries.  I have 2 tattoos, a lion's head on my left arm, and a wolf paw on my back. 

I want to get the butterfly semicolon tattoo, but I'm not sure yet. Maybe I will make it a reward for losing those pesky 50 lbs. this year.  

I was doing pretty well with weight loss, but then it just stopped.  I see my doctor next week so I'll talk to her about it.  The diabetes doesn't help.  Plus, I am almost positive something is up with my thyroid.  I've been cold all this spring.  I sleep with 2 comforters on my bed. 

I like the actual taking of the shower.  I like to let the hot water beat on my tense shoulders.  I like the soap we use.  It doesn't dry my skin out.  But, I do hate washing my hair.  I hate it. When, I am depressed it is a loathsome chore.  Fortunately, black people don't need to wash their hair that often. I wash mine once a week.  It has to do with oil production.  I can't explain it to you.  It's a black thing.

I will do my best to take a shower and wash my hair tomorrow.  But, I'm not making any promises.

Peace, Love, Joy

Bev