It's a terrible thing to not be able to concentrate. I don't feel anxious about anything that I can think of, yet my brain does not seem able to hold a thought long enough to think about it. My mind is a blur, thoughts whizzing all around. My reading comprehension is so horrible that it has been a few days since I picked up my bible with any real confidence, I see the words but they make no sense.
It is the same when I watch TV. I hear what they are saying, but it holds no interest, and makes no sense. I am trying desperately to hold on to my words long enough to write this blog. This is a new thing. It's never happened like this before. I am usually in an anxious state when I feel this. I am not anxious, at least to my way of understanding.
What I am is completely bored. I have plenty to do. I have my books from the library. I have a Christmas ornament I can make. It just arrived in the mail the other day. It's a beaded ornament, very intricate and pretty.
I am also quite possibly depressed. I've been wearing my old worn out "depressed" clothes. I haven't fixed my hair or worn earrings. It took 2 hours for me to talk myself into bathing. I have spent the majority of the last month in my room. I take my medication around 7:30 just so I can bring an end to a tedious day. OK, I am depressed. At least I see my doctor on Thursday, we'll probably adjust something. Hooray for the medicine go-around.
I had been feeling good. I started doing some exercise, got a little energy. It didn't last long though. I am good after exercising, but the next day would back to square one. I saw my family doctor and she said that diet and exercise would be all I needed to feel better. All my blood work came back normal.
I wanted to go for a walk today, but kept forgetting about it. I have my nightgown on now, so forget it. I will try again tomorrow. I realize I always say that, but that's just how I am; The Great Procrastinator!! I used to act on ideas right away, but not anymore. Now, everything takes days or weeks to prepare. I wonder what happened to me. It's Memorial Day weekend already, and I have only read 1 book out of 4 I had planned on reading.
I don't know how I am going to plan the family reunion next summer. It shouldn't be too hard, but that's what I always say then find myself overwhelmed. Maybe that's what I'm stressing about. Already? Hmm, when it comes to worrying, I don't play around.
I wish we had a cat. A big soft black and white tuxedo that was laying next to me. We would have to decide on a name, if he didn't come with one. I heard my aunt mention it the other day. Maybe she is softening up on the animal ban.
Speaking of animals, I signed my first petition on a issue concerning animals. It's all about getting stiffer penalties for animal abusers. I have a very strong opinion on the matter. I feel that animal abuse should be a felony, with minimal jail time on 1 year and a $2500 fine, even for the first offense.
Abuse resulting in death of an animal should be 5-10 years and a $5000 fine depending on the nature of the offense. All convicted offenders should go on a national registry so they could never own or have care of another animal. It may seem harsh, but I feel that someone who would abuse an animal is demonstrating that he/she is unfit to live in civilized society and should be removed from society. I hope it passes.
Talked to my dad today. Sent his dog a new bed and some foot wipes. I truly adore my father and am in love with the dog. I should have gone up there this month. I still can, I just have to get school all set first.
Sent away for a body donation package at one of the state's medical schools. I just want a funeral, and then donate my body to science. I'll see if it costs anything, and how they cremate the remains when they are done with the body.
Well, I guess that's it. I've been watching The Hobbit for the past couple of nights. Tonight is the last of the three; The Battle of the Five Armies. So far it's been pretty on par with the books, except there have been several elaborations. But, I haven't read all of Tolkien's works on Middle earth, so I can't say for sure if they are true flights of fancy on the parts of the filmmakers, just the book.
Until next time, Peace, Joy, Love -
Bev
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