I forgot to take my meds yesterday morning. As a result, I was cranky, emotional and didn't give a flying fuck about my job. I honestly though about just quitting yesterday. The only thing that stopped me was the fact that I've been sending out resumes, but haven't gotten any responses. The job I really want as a medical claims examiner for Cigna is going to be a few more weeks before I hear anything. I'm hoping I can hold out until then. The past few days, I have been really hating my job. Of course, I felt this way one day last week also. I forgot to take my meds one day last week. Callers have been getting on my last nerve. So, I guess my meds are keeping me on an even keel. Without them, I turn into a bitch of major proportions.
I haven't talk to David in a few days. Mainly because he is too busy for me. I'm very disappointed. He check off all my boxes. Unfortunately, I forgot a box: My husband will make time for me. I feel that if a person wants to be in your life, he will make the time. There is no such thing as too busy. Besides disappointed, I feel a little bit perturbed. I mean if you don't have the time to date, why go on a dating sight. The other day, I offered to come down to see him on Sunday. I got no response. I eventually said never mind because I forgot Sunday is Father's Day. He'll be with his kids no doubt. Again, too busy for me. Am I the asshole here? We've been talking for a month now. Is it unreasonable to think it is definitely time for us to meet. All I'm asking for is a cup of coffee and some conversation, which he says he wants also. But evidently, I'm the only one willing to make time. Oh well. I'll text him on Father's Day, I guess. I was going to send him flowers, but I changed my mind. It would be me making the effort again. I decided that if I keep at him, I will be giving off an air of desperation.
I suppose, I will need to reactivate my dating profile and try again. It's kind of sad. I'm still getting married next year, I just need to find the right man. Oh well, it was fun. Then again, I'm not sure I should give up just yet. All those boxes.
My money situation isn't any better. I got paid and it's gone already. I wasn't able to send Erica the money. I had to pay a $350 bill that was past due. I'm not paying anyone shit next month accept giving money for rent. I have about $100 to my name and I still have to buy food. I wish I could just have someone give me an allowance and let them pay my bills. On paper I should have money. I need a clean slate. I swear, they should teach a class called Adulting 101 that teaches activities of daily living, household budgeting, and basic car and home repair. I know I would have taken it. If I had learned budgeting and financial responsibility, I wouldn't keep getting into these financial messes.
I did take my meds today. All 7 medicines and 6 supplements. Hopefully today will be better. It should be, because I'm in training from 12-3, and then a meeting from 3-4:15. Then I have lunch until 5. So in total, I'll be on the phone for about 4.5 hours. I hope it's slow. I bombed my quality this week. I hate the stupid script I have to follow. I'm always forgetting something. I don't know who came up with the quality scorecard, but it's bullshit. I hate our systems. They are so old, and half the time they don't work right.
Well, I guess this is it. I'm feeling a little bit better. Zelda has parked herself between me and my keyboard. She's fast asleep. I may take a little cat nap myself.
Peace, Joy, Love - BB
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