I wish I could say that I was doing exciting things, but the fact is, I'm not. A kind of boredom has crept into my life that is not unfamiliar. It's one of the symptoms of depression. Loss of interest and lack of motivation are plaguing me right now. I have things to do. I just don't feel like it. This of course, causes people to think that I am just lazy. I was starting to think that about myself, but it's not true.
I start each day at 7:30 am when my alarm goes off. On Mondays and Wednesdays, I take Kyber to doggy daycare. After that, I have breakfast. Sometimes it's good and healthy, sometimes it's crap like I had this morning. I make my bed, take a shower (not today) and get dressed for my day. I try to look good everyday by fixing my hair and putting on a cute outfit, but lately, I just don't seem to give a rat's ass. Today, it's a t-shirt and pajama pants.
I did paint my nails and gave myself a facial, so I'm not a total mess. I had to make the bed today, otherwise I would have climbed back in and slept the day away like I did yesterday. It was April's birthday yesterday. I got her an official Eagles jersey. She loved it. Didn't get a hug though. I think my sister hates being touch in an affectionate manner. But that's her issue not mine.
As far as things I can do with myself, I can always clean or write another chapter in my book. I have a scrapbook of my aunt to finish. I can clean out my closet and give some clothes to the Good Will. I have muffins I could bake for tomorrow's breakfast. I could read, pray or take a way. I just don't have any motivation to do any of those things. My concentration is so bad, I can't even watch TV. Not that there's much on anyway.
Here's something that has me perplexed. My brother cut me off last month, right. How about he sent me $75 twice. I haven't spoken to him since that infamous email, but he sent me money. Isn't that wild?
I've a few job interviews, but nothings happening. There is a job I would like a pharmaceutical company that starts in September. I applied for it through a headhunter. I'm hoping I get it. Pay starts at $20/hour. Otherwise, it's back to Delta Dental for me. I do not want to go back, but I may have to as rent must be paid.
I'm filing for bankruptcy this week. I have over $20K in debt I have to pay off. I spend more that I make. Oh well, I don't really care anymore. But then again, I could win the billion dollar Mega Millions tomorrow. Wouldn't that be a dream come true? I'd still have problems, but money wouldn't be one. I'd pay off all our bills, and then disappear for a year. Maybe we'll move to Wyoming. Hmm. I could start my store Stuff-n-Things, Erica could open her comic book shop, and I could start my fund for pets in need of medical care.
I'm not giving my family money, except for Jerald to pay back the car loan, and the rent he's paid for us. Otherwise that's it. I'm going to by a storybook cottage for myself and get a new Rogue. Finally, I'll be able to get a dog and another cat. Hmm, it's nice to think about anyway.
That's all for now. Peace, Joy, Love - B
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