Dear Mom,
It's me, Bev. I haven't written to you in a while. I've been busy trying to make money. So far, this month, nothing is happening. I'm working really hard at it though. I think that I am doing a good job. But, I suppose I could do better.
Sometimes, I just get really tired and cannot push myself like some of the others. But, I am trying to take care of my physical and mental health, and sometimes, I just need to take breaks.
I have 2 medical appointments next week. On Tuesday, I have an ultrasound of my abdomen, and on Thursday, a CT scan. I called the doctor yesterday about the belly pain I have been having, and they squeezed me in the same day. I had a long talk with the nurse, and she talked to the doctor. Anyway, he also referred me to a gastroenterologist. I see a Dr. Lord on Monday the 27th.
My belly has really been hurting this past week. Sometimes all the time, other times after I eat. I am getting nauseated, bloated and gassy. Sometimes, it feels like I still have my gallbladder.
I told Dad about, but that is it. I haven't told April the extent of it. I figure I will tell them, when there is something to tell. I do not mind telling you, that I am nervous.
I remember this is how you started way back in the fall of last year. When I told the doctor about you and grandmom, they were concerned. They did not say it, but this quick action gives me pause. Did you feel like you had something stuck in your side? Did you have bouts of constipation then diarrhea? I know you vomited sometimes, but that was not often.
I cannot eat what I used to. I had a cheeseburger today, and I am paying for it now. It is dinner time and I cannot eat. I think I will get some cherries. I am trying to drink a lot of water to flush out my system. I am peeing just fine, but I feel like I need to poop all the time. I know it is just gas. I have been belching an awful lot lately, and I am not a belcher. I also am farting a lot. Not enough to suit me right now, because I feel if I could just have one big fart or belch or something , I could relieve this pressure in my gut.
I wish you were here. You would make me some cream of wheat, only you made it just right. Nice and smooth, no lumps, and just thick enough. I suppose I could make myself a scrambled egg and toast. I finally figured out how to make toast like you. I managed to get the right setting on the toaster, so that it gets just brown enough, but doesn't burn.
I know that sounds stupid, but it has taken these 5 months to get it right. I am getting good with the eggs too. I make egg sandwiches sometimes, so I know how to cook it long enough for the yolk to cook, and if it is just a fried egg, I can cook it so that the yolk is still a little runny. My coffee has always been better than your's.
I bought salmon a couple of times. It was not as good as your's. I'm still trying to figure out the best way to cook it. I know I am not getting enough veggies. I know I used to complain about it, but I could use some right now.
It's strange, but some days, I hardly think of you. Is that bad? I don't feel guilty about it. It's just that sometimes, I get so wrapped up in my activities, that I only think about you when I look at your picture hanging on the wall. I don't know if you know that I am thinking of you, because you don't come to me very much. You did wake me up the other day, though. Thanks for that. I heard you call my name, the way you used to wake me up for school. It was nice for a minute, but then you were gone.
I wish you would visit more often. Even Grandmom, Nana or Poppop do not come visit anymore. Maybe they do not know I moved.
I am still talking to Tony. We still have not met in person as we met online, post corona. But, I know you would have loved him. He wants to meet the family. Is that not cool?!! Anyway, I love him. I have not said anything to him or anyone, but I do.
Well, I guess that's all for now. I just wanted to check in and tell you the goings on of me. Please come visit on my birthday. If you can stay a while, that would be great, if not just come as a butterfly and flutter past my window. I love you Mommy.
B
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