This is the title of a very romantic song, sung by Frank Sinatra. But, I'm not feeling romantic. In fact, I don't really know why I am awake. I had a dream, a disturbing dream. Not a nightmare, but uncomfortable just the same.
I woke up, because i the dream, my bed was soaked in blood. At first, when I woke up, I thought maybe I had my on again, off again excuse for a period. But, that wasn't the case. I just had to pee. Anyway, I did, but then I looked at myself in the mirror. I should have known better. I usually keep my eyes half closed when I get up in the middle of the night. This helps me get back to sleep, because I don't let in too much light. But, this time I opened my eyes, and well, here I am, wide away at 3 something.
My mom was in the dream. We were arguing in the car. Again, I was covered in blood. I don't know what all this blood means, except maybe I am getting a period this month. Quite frankly, the whole period thing is getting on my nerves.
My sister had a procedure to burn the lining of her uterus to stop her periods. As soon as I get a little more income, I'm going to get a gynecologist and talk to her about it. I need one anyway. It's time for my yearly mammogram next month, or as I like to call it, a smashogram. It's been a while since I've been up on the rack too. In addition to a gynecologist, I need an endocrinologist to consult about my freaking diabetes.
I'm having trouble keeping my sugar levels regulated. Speaking of which, I forgot to give myself my insulin last night, dammit. Oh well, it might be a little high this morning.
The job is going okay. Still dangling 2 big commissions on my line. If I can just get these bitches to call me back, I'd be set for a couple of months. I have a lot of things wrong with my car that need to be fixed. I need a head gasket, valve cover, interior filter, new headlights, and brakes. I guess if I totaled it up, I should just get a new car, but my credit is so bad, I can't get a loan. So, I guess I'll just fix my car and call it a day.
I want my next car purchase to be my dream car, a 1965 Corvette Stingray convertible in ocean blue with white leather interior and a white top. I have a picture of it on my vision board. So, maybe I will just keep my Subaru running, and drive my dream car on the weekends. I'm going to need a garage to keep it in.
I have my engagement and wedding on my vision board too. I have all the details, from the engagement ring to the dress. I have a list of venues in my phone. I want to marry Tony. He's the one, I know it. He actually wants to meet my family. Maybe if things work out with the virus, I'll take him to see my dad for Christmas. Anyway, those are my 3 am musings. Time for a smoke.
Peace, Joy, Love - B
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