Sketches of a Bipolar Girl: Valentine's Day

 

Today is Valentine's Day. A day manufactured to pressure people into showing their loved ones how much they care. Cynical? I guess. I'd prefer to have someone get me flowers just because. No reason required. I being terminally single, do not participate in this day. I suppose I wouldn't be cynical if I had a significant other. However, it just doesn't doesn't seem to be in the cards for me. 

So, here I am, up at 4:30 in the morning sitting at my computer trying to think of something to say. I've tried the dating sites. I've been involved in romance scams, but never to the point where I actually gave the clown money. I mostly just lived in a little fantasy by imaging that someone out there actually loved me. 

My fantasies are quite nice. They allow me to dream of the perfect man. Well, he's never really perfect in the sense that he has no flaws. He is, however, perfect for me. He gets me and all of my accompanying bullshit. Loving a person with a mental illness is not easy. I know the movies make it look so romantic and tragic. It's more like approaching a bear. Depending on the circumstances, the bear could ignore you totally and go on his way or he could charge at you and rip your face off. That's the challenge of loving a person like me. You have to poke me to get my attention. I will either open myself up or close you out completely. I may, at times, rip your face off. 

What kind of romance do I want? At this age, I just want a steady, slow burn. Ideally, we would both have our interests outside of each other and get together a few times of week for sex. Sure, we'd hang out sometimes, but I really prefer to sit on the couch alone. You know, curled up in a blanket with a cat on my lap. I haven't got time for someone who wants to spend every waking moment with me. He'd get on my nerves. Plus, most men are messy, and I am becoming more OCD regarding my housework. 

So, I'll be spending Valentine's day alone. Again. But don't feel sorry for me. I'm not unhappy. I'm just unattached. So, if you have someone in your life, do a little something for him/her today. Or you could take my suggestion and buy your gift any one of  the other days of the year. You'll score bigger points. 

Peace-B