This past Wednesday was Ash Wednesday. The first day of Lent. It is a time of reflection, self awareness, growth in our connection to God. Lot's of people think it is also about sacrifice. That is true in a small way. What some people do is fast during Lent. Some people do juice or water fasts. As a diabetic, fasting is not in my wheelhouse. I would love to lose the holiday weight I gained by fasting, but I have to keep my blood sugar at a level rate. So, in order to practice my Lenten fast, I gave up something important to me. M & Ms chocolate candy.
I know your thinking, WHAT?!. That's not a real sacrifice. Trust me when I tell you for me, it is. It is taking a great deal of willpower for me to not go buy some. I will allow myself a small bag on Sundays, but other than that, it's a no go. How is this a sacrifice? That's easy. I've become addicted to them. I was eating them all the time. That's how I gained so much weight. I don't know how I got hooked on them. I like them a lot, but this was a psychological thing as well. I would get a serotonin boost from them. So, I popped those suckers all day long. It worked on my mood. I could feel the difference from before and after eating them. I have to pray about it constantly, "Please God, do not let me buy any M & Ms. Remove the desire for them from my mind and body. Help me concentrate on you."
I know that may sound ridiculous to some people, but it's a challenge for me. I should have given up cigarettes again too, but I didn't want to become a raging bitch. Cigarettes calm me down. They allow me to satisfy a deeply entrenched oral fixation. I can't go back to gum. That's how I broke a tooth last year. If you think it isn't hard for me your wrong. It is. Very hard. I'm trying to satisfy my urge to eat with health choices like apples, carrots, and pineapple. So, far it's working okay. I also decided to try the Mounjaro again to help lose some weight. I ate a couple of times this week more out of necessity than desire.
With Lent, we remember the 40 days of fasting Jesus did in the wilderness. So, I figure, if Jesus can go without for 40 days in the wilderness, I could at least sit in my comfy living room and go without chocolate candy. It's another wiring of the brain challenge. The next few days will be hard because a milestone day is coming up. It's the anniversary of my mom's passing. I'm trying not to get bogged down with the sadness, instead remembering the happier times. Since I'm off on Friday, I think I may just have a weepy day and watch sad movies. Terms of Endearment, Love Story and Steel Magnolias. Those are always good for a good cry.
I hope to deepen my relationship with God with pray and fasting. I missed church on Ash Wednesday, so I'm not starting off too well. This Sunday I plan on being there early. Should be easy since Zelda wakes me up at 5:30 now. I will be able to reflect on my life and some of the choices I've made, and move forward. Spring is the time of year for new beginnings. Maybe this year will be better, I certainly hope so.
Peace, Joy, Love- B
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