We make a lot of connections in our lives. I know I have. I've met all kinds of people. Some of them good, some of them confused, and some just plain old creepy. It's not just the men either. I've met some women that gave off bad juju too.
But what of those connections that stick? You know the ones that have become friendships. How do you keep it going and how do you not lose touch? That's been a problem of mine for sometime. I have made great friends, but the most important I lost in the shuffle. It wasn't their fault. It was mine. I stopped talking. I shut down completely because I didn't want anyone to see the ugly world in my head.
I lost my very best friend in my 20's. Her name was Pam. I was going through a bad depressive episode and completely cut her off. We are now just Facebook friends having rediscovered each other. We will never be close again which is regrettable because I miss her terribly. I wasn't there when she needed me. I had run away.
In my 30's, I was in vet tech school and met Eileen, Stephanie, Marge and Rachel. I really loved them. The only one I talk to now is Eileen. In fact, after a year of letters and the occasional text messages, I just got off the phone with her this afternoon. We spoke for a good 40 minutes. She married her longtime boyfriend several years ago and they have 2 fabulous kids. Stephanie died of a drug overdose a few years ago. I think about her often. Rachel is married with at least 1 child, but I haven't heard from her in 2 years or so. Marge is a bit older than me. We got along great. But, my disease scares her, so I can't really talk to her much. She did send me a nice message on Facebook when I got home a few weeks ago.
I have no friends locally. As I said before, COVID did some serious damage to my social skills. I stay at home most of the time. I try to be friendly when I'm out but it's kind of hard to be sociable when you have nothing to say. Guys will want to know why you don't have any girlfriends. Some guys like it that way so they can use you and you have no one to talk to about things. They prey on women like me. So, I don't talk to guys very much. I don't trust them much anyway. I am trying to change that behavior so I don't shoo away Mr. Right, if he ever comes around.
Human beings are social creatures. We need each other or else we'll go mad from loneliness. I've come to learn that I am hungry for interaction. I would love to have a trusted girlfriend to talk to every day, and meet up on the weekends. I guess you could say I'm looking for my best friend, my ride or die friend.
I even tried going into the office to meet people, but surprise, nearly everyone works at home. There were only about 6 people on our half of the floor. I don't know if I'll go back in right away. I'd like to work from home a little bit more at first. That's if I have a job. I'm not too concerned. I suppose I should be, but there you go.
The point is, I'm reaching out. So far the response has been good. I will be keeping in touch with my friends from now on. I'm intent on making some connections with someone. I'm a nice person, I'm kind and considerate. I'm a loyal friend. At least, I try to be. We'll see how it works out going forward.
Until next time, Peace Joy Love- B
Beverly, I have had many people that I thought would be in my life forever, fade away. My understanding is people come into our lives for a reason. And it seems that they leave just as quickly. I’ve learned to grab a hold and appreciate them while they are here. Remember that you have a friend in me.
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