Okay, try as I might this Christmas is going down in the books as the worst ever. There's no tree, no presents, no family, no friends, no money. It sucks. I tried to put a good spin on it, but it didn't work. So, this whole week has really been pretty bad. First off, I haven't been sleeping more than 4 hours a night. I sleep for maybe 2 hours then wake up at 2 or 3 am. Sometimes, I can get back to sleep, other times not. I can't sleep in the silence. My head takes off in all directions and I start thinking and worrying about things that make no sense and are uncontrollable. Work has been pretty ridiculous.
I don't know why most US companies just don't close the week of Christmas. No one really cares, and I personally feel like I could be doing anything else. I mean, I would rather clean my bathroom than answer the phone on the holidays. Anyway, I did try to take off this year, but there wasn't any allowance plus I didn't have the PTO. Next year however, I am taking off the whole holiday week. I just hope I can stand to bank the PTO.
Erica is in Jacksonville at her dad's house. I'm honestly happy for her, but let's face it. Without her here, April and I are just 2 useless old ladies. I've been going back and forth between napping and watching TV. Zelda doesn't want me to do anything. She just wants to sit on my lap. I can only do nothing for about an hour, then I have to get up and do something. I actually did some laundry. At least my bed linens are clean.
Next year, I want to go somewhere. I want to go somewhere now. Anywhere. I am really feeling the fact that I don't have a family of my own. I have no one to spend the holidays with, no children to visit, no grandchildren to spoil. Nothing. I'm just alone. It really is bothering me. If April wasn't here, I'd really be alone.
I didn't make it to church for most of this month. I don't know why. I just didn't get there. I'm up usually since I hardly sleep anymore. I really wish I could just sleep for eight hours uninterrupted.
I get paid tomorrow. I also have to work tomorrow. How dumb is that? I wish I could call out, but then I wouldn't get my holiday pay. I'm short $100 this pay because of sick time. My next check should be full. Not that it matters. I have decided to se3ttle my debts this year. I set up a payment plan on my credit card accounts. All but one that is. I just need $25k and I could be debt free. I'm so tired of worrying about money.
Well, I guess that's all for now. Merry Christmas to me. Let's make next year a year of progress. Onward to 2026.
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