Sketches of a Bipolar Girl: Don't Believe the Hype, Hypomania that is

Today is Tuesday, June 30th, 2020.  After a glorious week of feeling great, the crash has begun.  Well, actually, it started yesterday.  I have slept 40 hours out of the last 48.  The alarm goes off, and I throw my hand over to turn it off.  Then, I pull the covers over my head and go back  to sleep.  The only reason I get up is to go to the bathroom.
I have no appetite, but I choke down an egg so I can take  my meds.  Today, I did manage to shower and put on some clean clothes.  I spent yesterday in my pajamas.  I tell myself to do things, but my heart just isn't in it.  Something as minor as brushing my teeth becomes a chore instead of a mindless habit.
My hands are shaking, and my body droops.  My eyes are constantly rolling back into my head as I struggle to stay awake.  I even got a large iced-coffee at McDonald's, but it's not helping.  Caffeine doesn't affect me the way it does other people.  It sometimes makes me sleepy.  I think that's a sign of ADD.  I guess I'll have to mention it to my primary care doctor next week when I see him.
I like being a little manic. I get so much done.  I clean my room, wash everything. I organize my closet and clean my bathroom.  Not that I messy, you understand,  but everything is just clean.  I like clean.  Clutter and dirt tend to freak me out.  I get very anxious when things are out of place.
However, I do know that after mania comes the crash.  That's what I'm experiencing right now.  I can tell you, that as I am writing this, it is taking all my energy, just to hold my head up.  My head is fuzzy and buzzing. 
I haven't been stable for over a year.  Stable for me is a year without a med change.  My meds have changed many times over the past year.  I saw my doctor last week, and she wants to start taking me off some of my meds, because I am on 9 meds for bipolar.  I am a little anxious about it, because I don't want to start falling into rapid cycling episodes.  I don't think I'm stable enough.  Anyway, it's something we'll talk about next month.
When I saw her last week, she said she wanted me to lose 3 lbs to get down to an even 200 lbs.  Well, I have lost 4 lbs.  This is the lowest weight I have ever been in my adult life.  I'm hoping to get down to 150 lbs by the end of December.  It's perfectly doable.  I'm not really even trying.  I don't eat as much as I used to, as a result, my stomach has shrunk a lot.  I just can't take in a lot of food.  Since, I no longer eat a lot of fried food, sugar or meat, that helps too.  I do eat complex carbs, though.  I must admit, I need to eat more fresh fruits and veggies, but that's expensive.
In the meantime, I am just puttering along in my days.  Sometimes, I feel great, other times not great.
In a surprising twist of events, my sister texted me today, to see if I was okay.  How about that?!
I told her yeah, I was just crashing after my high of last week.  Does this mean, she is finally starting to recognize and acknowledging my disease?  I don't know.  But, it felt good that she asked.  I am trying to be more communitive about my emotional state, so they know how to help me.  That's only fair.  They can't read me like my mom could.  I have to admit that, and take some of the blame of their past reactions to my meltdowns.
I'm now exhausted again.  Sometimes, putting my thoughts in an organized, comprehensive way of understanding makes me tired, and I get a headache.  So, I am going to take a nap.  Maybe, I'll feel better later. 
Peace, Joy, Love - B