Okay, the quitting smoking thing is hard. I say that because I couldn't overcome my anxiety and went to buy a pack on my last day in Michigan. My father, bless his heart, bought a whole carton for me.
I know I could have said no thanks, but I couldn't. So, now I am just trying to limit myself to 6 cigarettes a day. So far, I am not doing very well. I feel a little bad about it, but at the same time I am relieved. I will quit, I just don't know when. I had announced my quit date as Jan. 3rd, but here it is the 5th and I am still puffing away.
Yesterday was a depressive day, so all I did was sleep and smoke. Today, I feel much better, and am not so anxious. I think, no I know I will be leaving the house this afternoon. I have to get gas and go to Walmart to pick up some meds. I may even actually comb my hair. I know, big deal right? Well considering I haven't washed my hair in 3 weeks it is a big deal. Which reminds me, I need to call the salon for a cut.
I ran out of testing strips for my diabetes, so I haven't tested since yesterday morning. My sugar levels have been good, so I am not too concerned. I need laxatives too. I must confess, I am dependent on them. I take 5 or 6 at night. It does give me diarrhea the next morning, but it makes me feel so much lighter. I hate feeling bloated. I know I am probably doing damage to my colon, but I had a colonoscopy last January, and everything was normal.
I am going to try a chiropractor this month. Hopefully, they have massage therapy too. I could really use a deep tissue massage. I used to get them all the time, when I went to a chiropractor back in the '90s. I would get a massage, drink a lot of water and take a hot shower. I could feel all the toxins flushing out of my body. My adjustments made me feel better too. I carry all my tension in my shoulders and thoracic region of my back. I think one good crack would do me quite well.
Oh well, that's all that's on my mind right now. That and Keanu Reeves. In my dreams, we meet on The View when I am a guest co-host because of my best selling book. We really click, and he asks me to lunch. Only problem is, I can't call him Keanu. It makes me feel all starstruck, so I call him Charlie, since Charles is his middle name. Anyway, he totally gets me. He is gentle, kind, funny, doesn't freak out because of my bipolar, and really listens and talks to me. Naturally, we fall in love and get married after a 2 year relationship. We adopt 3 biracial siblings, have 2 dogs and a cat and live in Malibu and Michigan. We are fixing up a Victorian townhouse in New York to be our main home. The Malibu house was his, and the Michigan cottage was mine. Both of us are deliriously happy because we have been waiting so long to find someone special. Stupid, isn't it? But that's the dream that puts me to sleep at night. It doesn't hurt anyone, so I'll just keep dreaming. Peace, Joy, Love - B
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