Sketches of a Bipolar Girl: Decisions, Decisions!!

 

I have been complaining for months about how I don't like my job. I decided to change my attitude about last month. I decided that the job isn't too bad, and reminded myself about the benefits. However, 2 weeks ago I had a job interview with a small company for a claim specialist. It wasn't exactly the position I was looking for, but it was in medical claims and seemed very interesting and stimulating. So what's the catch? The money is pretty much the same as Delta, however, there aren't any benefits. 

I'm now having some second thoughts because with my medical history, I really cannot afford to go without benefits. It's true I do have Medicare benefits, but my Delta benefits are pretty great. 

I'm not sure what to do. Last week I went to church and prayed on it, and pretty much decided to take the job. However, things at Delta have gotten better the past 3 weeks. I'm thinking if I keep trying to do my best, I'll get my level 2 promotion and make $3.50 more per hour. 

I'm suppose to talk to the new jo on Monday to finalize my start date, but I have such anxiety about it I don't think I'll be able to take this job. What if I have to take time off for illness or surgery or whatever? With no FMLA or short term disability, I'd be out on the street. I suppose I could buy life insurance, dental insurance and short term disability insurance, but that'd be awfully expensive. 

I texted Jerald about it. Either he won't answer or he hasn't read it yet. I still owe him $1000. So, I think he'll probably tell me to take the path of financial stability, which we don't have right now. Okay, I'll talk to Erica, she's rational. April will tell me to "do you". In the end it's up to me, but I'm doubting myself. 

It's said that you shouldn't make decisions when you are under duress. I guess I did kind of make this decision. Maybe, I should talk to my supervisor about my future at Delta. But, part of me is hesitant because they may just tell me to leave. I'm not sure what to do. I think pursuing the new position might have been okay when I was younger, but I'll be 60 this year. I don't have time to dick around. Should I talk to April and Erica again? I'm so confused. I'll pray on it again.