So, it's 2025. I haven't had a bipolar episode that required hospitalization in 3 years. I was thinking about that today, and it occurred to me that this has been the longest time. I have had a psychotic episode at least every 2 years since I was 35 years old. I know what your thinking. Well, Holy Shit!!! What kind of whack job is she anyway. Keep in mind, this is not including the episodes that had me home bound for a week or so.
The first psychotic episode happened at 35. It was horrendous. I couldn't sleep or eat. I could not dress myself and cried for days. I was suicidal, so my doctor 302'd me. I spent 7 days inpatient. Mostly, I just cried and tried to stay awake. My mom flew down to take care of me after I got out of the hospital. It took a couple of weeks for me to recover. I managed to work for a few more weeks, but then I had to leave my job. The stress was just too much.
That was when the medication carousel started. When I tell you that I've been on practically every psych med available, I mean it. I don't have schizophrenia, so I didn't have to take those. But I am now on Abilify, which as an antipsychotic which my doctor is using to treat my schizoaffective disorder.
When all is said and done, I've been hospitalized 16 times in the past 23 years. Some hospitals were nice, others were shitholes. My last hospitalization was my LAST hospitalization. Although the facility was decent, I decided I was never going to go through it again. Maybe next episode, I'll just drive into the woods and stay in a cabin and try to regroup.
I've decided I'm not going to kill myself so I am not going to be committed or forced into some nut house with people who are screaming and violent. Also, I don't smoke anymore, so that's another reason not to go inpatient. This year is all about me.
Peace Joy Love - B
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