Sketches of a Bipolar Girl: Get Back to Where You Once Belonged

 

So, my therapist, Kristy has disappeared. After multiple calls and texts, I have not heard back from her. I figure either she is taking a sabbatical or quit. I don't know. But, I believe you are supposed to notify your patients before you just vanish off the face of the earth. I am currently  seeking a new therapist. I thought this time, I would try a black woman. I've had white therapists my entire life. Two of them were men. That was awkward to say the least. 

I found a list of black therapist on the Psychology Today website. I saw one bio I like a lot, so I emailed her to check availability. One reason I am trying to get back into therapy is I'm feeling really stuck in my life right now. I don't feel like I'm moving forward, and I think I'm actually moving backwards. I've thought of suicide a couple of times in the past couple of weeks. I wasn't thinking of actually doing it, but the thought hasn't popped in my head in quite a long while so it concerns me. 

I was doling out my pills for the week and actually wondered what would happen if I just took the 30 or so Trazadone I had in the bottle. Of course, this was a week when I was severely lacking sleep, so I guess that had something to do with it. Also, the whole diabetic disaster and hospitalization didn't help. I was also depressed when I went in the hospital. 

Well, that's all gotten a lot better. I'm getting an insulin pump I think, so I won't have to inject myself anymore. I don't really mind it, it's just kind of distracting. Half the time, my blood sugar is too low anyway. I have to eat a mini candy bar every once in a while or grab some orange just to keep my glucometer from beeping. The whole business of eating has become quite bothersome really. 

I'm not enjoying eating very much anymore. I like breakfast, but I feel like I'm on a timer when it comes to lunch. I don't eat dinner until 8:15 at night. Once I'm finished, I just putter around for a few hours until it's time to go to bed. It seems all I do now is get up, work, and go to bed. I squeeze in some meals in between. The weekends are crammed with chores that I can't do during the week. I try to relax on Sundays, but I start to get anxious around 3 pm because I know Monday is coming. 

Well, I have to go. Time to log on. I don't want to work today. Ugh!!