Hi Mom,
Well, the day has come and gone, and I'm still alive. It was 2 years on Saturday that you left this world. I purposely slept in so I could avoid the actual hour of your passing. For some, reason, this year was really hard. I started to fall into a depression about 2 1/2 weeks ago.
Last year, on the first anniversary, we were moving into this apartment, so I really couldn't think about it too much. But this year, things just kind of fell on my head. On top of all that, I had run out of a couple of my psych meds and didn't have the money to get it. Also, I had my screening colonoscopy on the 15th. I had to fast for 24 hours and then the surgery messed up my digestive system. I wasn't able to process any food for a few days. All that sort of stressed me so bad, I just felt exhausted. I slept for 3 days.
Me being me, I couldn't drag myself out of bed to go to work, so now I'm short on funds and the rent is due. Why do I get myself into these situations? I really thought I was beyond all this crap. Just goes to show me that I can't get over confident. This is the year of attraction, right? Well, I don't feel like I'm attracting anything.
Don't get me wrong, I am feeling better. Jerald gave the money for my meds, and he said I don't need to pay him back. I do have to pay April, since she picked it them up for me. I've doing pretty good with money so far. I got my taxes back, but only got $958 instead of the $2300 I was expecting. The IRS adjusted my return. I'm waiting for the letter advising me of the reason why. Anyway, the money is all gone, and since I didn't get what I expected, I'm behind on my loan and car note. I should get it all straight by the end of this month since I have no plans of taking any sick days off.
The job has cut my hours by a day for the next 2 weeks. They hired Deana, a student who was just observing. So, now they have adequate coverage. Part of me is like, damn it. But then the other part of me doesn't mind too much. I really like everyone I work with a lot. Except maybe Dr. Ram. He's a little acerbic. I don't think, he thinks too much of me, since the debacle with the keys. It was incredibly stupid on my part and I deserved to get yelled at for it. I beat myself up about it over that entire weekend.
That's when I knew I was getting depressed. I haven't taken things that personally for quite sometime. But, I was just so wrapped up in myself that I wasn't thinking.
I changed my room over to it's Spring decorations. I pulled out the cream bedspread and the quilt Aunt Berta made for me. I got a couple of new throw pillows. I like home decor a great deal. I bought some new red sheets too. I must have 10 sets of sheets and 10 matching towels sets.
My acting lessons and Spanish lessons are coming along nicely. I hope to join a theater group next month. The classes will cost $240 for 8 weeks, one night a week. The Spanish lessons are free on line. I don't speak it too well, but I can translate some simple conversations. I have to practice speaking.
Well, I guess that's all for now. I miss you so much. I was becoming afraid that I was starting to forget things about you. But the past week has shown me that it's not true. The memories came flooding in, and I think that overwhelmed me a bit.
Anyway, you take care, tell everyone I said hello and that I miss them as well. Life is weird, I used to think I couldn't live without you, but here I am, 24 months and 3 days later and I'm still going strong. Thank you for giving me your love and encouragement. I love you mommy. - B
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