It's Valentine's Day. The day that all single people dread. I had almost hoped this year would be different, as I have a lover. However, it's not. He avoids holidays with me as if I were some kind of side chick. I guess I am. I'm not in love with him, but is it too much to want some kind acknowledgment? Perhaps, I'm just a fool.
I do want a hug, a kiss, and comforting words. But, not from Brad, my parents. I want to hear my mom and dad laugh. I want to give them hugs. I want the warmth of being in their embrace. It's been almost a year since my mom died, and a little over a month for my dad.
The grief washes over me sometimes, like a powerful wave. It knocks me off my feet and leaves me gasping for air. I stayed in bed all day on Thursday. I just didn't care. I want my parents. I didn't get to say goodbye to either of them the way I wanted to. I didn't get to say the things I wanted to say.
Life is such a chore. Sometimes, it takes you to the highest highs, and then everything comes crashing down around your ears and you can't make sense of anything. I think if it wasn't for my meds, I'd have been hospitalized. I feel sad today. I would like to be with someone, but then I want to be alone.
I'm watching old movies today. I just finished Wuthering Heights, and now I'm watching It Happened One Night. Maybe I'll take a nap. I feel like eating some fried chicken. Off to KFC, I guess.
Happy Valentine's Day to me. I'm tired.
No comments:
Post a Comment