Okay, so I'm in love. He has no idea that I exist. Which is usually how things go in these sort of things for me. No, it' not Tony. He has gone. I made a simple request that he could not grant. What was it? Was I demanding too much? No, certainly not. I merely asked the man to call me. He did not. So, I let it go.
I know that seems like such a small thing, but you must understand something. We had a 5 month text relationship. I made many attempts to call him. He is one of those people that never set up his voicemail. So, I could not leave a message. I took a step back and looked back at our so-called relationship, and realized that I was always the one to initiate contact. Well, I said fuck it, I'm not chasing you.
I think I was sad for a week. After that, I just kind of shrugged it off and put him in my collection of dickheaads and losers. I would like for once, to meet a man, and actually date. No booty calls, no text relationships. I want a real relationship. So, what about this guy that I really want to meet and be in love with? Just a fantasy really, it will never ever happen.
I won't say who it is lest I make a fool of myself, but he is a beautiful human being. He's cute, but not to the point of being pretty. He's just a nice looking guy. He's kind, generous and kinda shy to those who don't know him. I would really like to meet and have coffee. I just want to talk to him really.
So, why can't I meet him? Because he lives in NYC most of the time. He is rather famous too. No, this isn't just another crush. I've had plenty of those. This is more than that. I respect him.
I don't know why I can't find someone to love. It doesn't seem like such a big deal. People fall in love all the time, don't they? Why not me? The song, Somebody to Love by Queen, is like my theme song if I had a TV show. That might be a good idea. A crazy girl's quest for love in her 50's in the digital age. It could be funny. I have to give it some thought.
Oh well, I guess that's it. I haven't posted in a while and I just wanted to clear my head. I wish I had something more profound to say, but sometimes it just doesn't work that way. Peace, Joy, Love - B
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