Well, it's been 3 days and I must say that my dear old friend depression is back. It kind of crept up on me. I knew it was coming, I could feel it. I tried very hard to fight it, but I admit it, I gave up. I've been sleeping a lot, and my food choices have been less than stellar. I think I'm going to cook some chicken tonight or tomorrow. I want to get a few more apples, and some mushrooms and sautee them all together with some chicken. Maybe, I'll throw in some Bellini jam too. Sounds good, I just hope I have the energy to do it.
I ran out of steam also. I'm just so fucking tired all the time. I guess I should see my therapist, but then again, what am I going to say. It's not like I haven't been through this before. Plus, I know what it's about. I don't have any money, again. I was late on this month's rent, so I had a late fee on top of it. I wasn't sure I'd get my SSD this month since I got a letter saying they cut me off. I don't know when that goes into effect, but I got to get back to work, and maybe get a side hustle. Driving for DoorDash is starting to look pretty good. Plus I can set my own hours. I can do it on the weekends.
Praise God, Hallelujah!!! I just got my disability check. I immediately paid my rent. So I have about $500 left to my name. I still have other bills to pay. But, I'm getting my hair done on the 16th. I'll be damned if I cancel that. I'm getting my nails done tomorrow, just a pedicure. I'll have my toes out for Easter, so I can't do a home pedicure. It's not like anyone looks at my feet, but I'll know that they are pretty. That's all that matters right?
The guy I met on Facebook dating, Victor, turned out to be a dud. He talked a good game, but he met someone else, and I guess he could get me off his mind afterall. lol. Anyway, I've been sending likes to different guys, they all look nice, but I haven't checked to see if they like me back. I'm tired of texting, I want to go on a real date. Not that I can have him come to my hole in the wall apartment. I'll have to meet him somewhere, I guess. But, I suppose if I tell him all the good and bad, he might understand. Just as long as I make it clear I'm not looking for a sugardaddy or someone to rescue me. I don't need anyone to do that, I can take care of myself.
I've called a group meeting for tonight regarding our funds. We need to discuss the social security situation and bills that affect us all. I'm going to need help with the electric, car insurance, and more money for rent. It's going to suck big time. We are all stressed beyond measure. But, I can say that this time it is not my fault. I didn't do anything, okay, I did spend some money that I should have, but I'm tired of living like a church mouse.
Well, I've got a little more energy right now since the rent issue is done. I think I will straighten up the house a bit and light a candle. Its also story time. That's all for now. My back is killing me. Need to take a pain pill. Talk atcha later.
Peace, Joy, Love - Queen B
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