Sketches of a Bipolar Girl: Goodbye Adele

 

Dear Adele, 

We used to call you Del. At one time you were my friend, but that was a very brief time and probably you were being fake. Why am I writing you after 40 years? Why should I write to you after everything you've put me through back then? It's precisely because of your terrorizing I'm writing to you. I wanted to finally tell you what I think of you and say goodbye forever. I'm also putting the feelings I have for you aside and get over my mistrust of strangers, which you caused. 

I was 5 years old when we moved to Ambler. I was lonely and scarred and only had my cousins to play with at the time. I was introduced to a little girl up the street named Charletta. We became fast friends. Was that why you hated me so? I took your best friend away? At any rate, you succeeded in turning the other neighborhood kids away from me by spreading lies that I was talking about them. You expertly played the whole he said, she said game. How could I win? I didn't know how to play the game. 

I went and found another friend named Peggy. She was a white girl from up the street. You said that I acted like a white girl, and thought I was better that everyone else. More lies were spread. Eventually, I stopped going out to play with anyone. I stayed in my own back yard and played with my toys. 

Going to school became a daily exercise in terror. You and your crew were always waiting for me to get off the bus and begin my walk home where you would walk behind me calling me names. I started stopping by the bank where my mom worked on my way home, so you would leave me alone and my mom would make sure I was safe. 

Then came the day you told everyone you were going to kick my ass. I was convinced that you were going to kill me. I got off the bus and ran to the bank, but my mom was not there. My sister came and walked me home all the while you and a crowd of kids taunted and teased me the whole way home. My mom eventually told your mom what had been going on all those months and in the end it was you who got the ass whipping. You were also told to stay away from me, and grounded for a month. 

I don't know for sure, but it is my feeling that ass whippings were a regular thing for you. However, that's not my problem. The unhappiness you felt in your life did not give you the right to terrorize me to the point those scars still show. I grew up thinking that everyone was false and a predator. It's because of what you did I had a hard time trusting people. But, I'm here to tell you that I am through with feeling that way. I release you and your terror from my mind. Do I forgive you? Yes, I do. I forgive you in order to move on and practice love and compassion for my fellow humans. 

So Del, goodbye. I hope life was kind to you. - B