Well, here it is. 2 am and I'm wide awake. My meds are on board, but I can't seem to catch the elusive butterfly of sleep. I don't even know if I'm tired. I'm just up, with nothing to do, no place to go and no one to call. So, I just putter around the dark house and go outside to smoke. Quite frankly, I've had enough of this bullshit. I'm tired of cycling.
I guess I'm on my way back up to mania. For the past 3 days, I've nothing but sleep. It was nice actually. I've been really tired lately, and couldn't work up the desire to leave my bed. I missed my last 3 days of work at the animal clinic. Yesterday was my last day. I felt bad, but then I didn't because my head hurt so bad. I had a headache for 3 days and my ears were ringing and my heart was jumping all over the place.
The doctor still hasn't gotten the results from my Halter Monitor test yet. Which can either be good or bad. My heart is still having palpitations. It happens more now. Then with the headaches, I don't know what to think. Maybe it's the bipolar, maybe not. My EKG was definitely abnormal, that I know for sure. I would just really like to know what's going on. I see the doctor again tomorrow about these headaches. I've never had headaches like this before. I do get headaches in my frontal lobes when I'm manic, but the type I'm having now are in the back of my head near the base of my skull. Sometimes, I feel like someone is tightening a cord around my neck and I can't breath. I wonder, if I'm having small strokes. It figures.
I have another job interview tomorrow. This time with the Walmart Clinic as a Care Host, aka Patient Representative. If the pay is good, I just might take it. I'll find out. I have a list of questions for them. That always goes over well. I'll be honest, I'm having second thoughts about Delta Dental. I don't think I want to work from home. I'm used to human interaction in person, having coworkers with me. While the thought of working from home seems okay, not being able to see other people is kind of a drag.
Of course, Walmart will have to meet all the criteria if I'm going to bail on Delta. I must have at least $17 per hour, with good benefits. I would get 10% off everything, except Rx I have a feeling. But, will I get all the paid holidays. How much vacation and sick time would I get. Plus there are 12 hour days to consider, while Delta is a M-F gig.
I want my mom. I almost started crying earlier because I want to talk to her and my dad so very much. Father's day is coming up, and I keep seeing these stupid ads for Father's Day, and I'm like no he won't love it, because he's dead! I tried to make an appointment with Kristy, but I never heard back from her.
That's another thing about Delta. I would have anytime to schedule my doctor appointments. I'm all verklemped. I guess that's how you spell it. I wonder to if this is all due to anxiety. I hope not because that means another pill, and I don't want any more pills. I'm tired of pills. I'm tired of being up one day and down the next. Every time I think I'm doing okay, something seems to come along to make me look over my shoulder to see what's coming.
A person has to be on guard, especially nowadays. You never know who's got an AR15 rifle pointed at your back. Of course, that's not how I'm going to go out. I'm going to be killed in a car wreck by someone running a red light. Why so specifically that way? Because people in Georgia are maniacs.
Oh well, guess I'll go get some juice and have another smoke. It won't help anything, but I can't just sit here. My eyes are getting tired, but I'm not. Tomorrow is either going to be great or it's going to suck. I guess I'll make it great. No negative energy. The Year of Attraction. Yea, blah, blah. Good Morning- B
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