So yesterday I was alone all day. April was at work, and Erica and her friends went out all day touring the sights. Here I was alone with 3 cats and the tv. I woke up feeling like crap and I didn't want to do anything.
I ended up taking a bath because I thought it would help me feel better. I felt very slightly energized, but it didn't last. I suppose it was a better circumstance than the day before when I slept all day. I then slept all night. Last night, I went to bed at 7:30. No one seemed to miss me. They were out there playing games and watching movies, while I was in my room watching Everybody Loves Raymond reruns.
I suppose I should have gone out to the living room and put myself in the conversation, but I discovered the other night at the party that I am not funny or even slightly amusing. I told a couple of jokes, which bombed incredibly bad, and Erica's friends just kind of looked at me.
I used to be funny. I was funny in high school, and even my coworkers would say I was fun to be around. All my coworkers except at Amazon. I didn't talk much there. Never had the chance. I'm kinda of just a loose wire that no one can figure out where it goes. So, I just get thrown into the junk drawer.
Anyway, with no one to talk to all day, I didn't say a word until 6 pm. That's when April came home and brought me a pack of cigarettes. I said thanks. It was an hour after that before I spoke a whole sentence. I saw her filling out some paperwork, and asked her what she was doing. She was filling out her passport application.
She and Erica had their passport pictures taken today. She said they did it just to have them, but they'll probably go somewhere next year without me. They always do. They probably won't even ask if I want to go, which is typical. I'm the one who looked up and printed out the stinking applications in the first place. Mine is done, but as per usual, I don't have the money to get it done.
I'm not much of a person anymore. For the past year, I've just been existing. I had a dream about my parents last night. We were at my Nana's house, and I kept trying to tell them something, but they just kept accusing me of things. When I tried to say it wasn't my fault, they didn't believe me. My mom was so mad, and just kept saying they couldn't trust me. For some reason it was dark in the house, and I couldn't get any of the lights to work. At any rate, I woke up very sad.
I haven't spoken much today either. Erica just went to the store and did actually ask me if I wanted something. I just asked for ginger ale. My appetite is very bad. I'm not hungry lately. I hardly ate anything at the party except for cheese dip and crackers. I ate 2 of my cookies, which everyone loved by the way.
I have a phone interview in a few minutes for a vet receptionist job. I really need a job. I don't have any money and my bills are past due. I need $18 hour to make ends meet. I hope this works out. I'll worry about my ankle later. I can drive if I strap my foot up. How will my no talking thing work for the interview?
Had my interview! I did amazingly well!!! My cute bubbly customer service self was right on point! Now I'm just waiting for an email for a working interview. Yahoo. I'm going to smoke.
Peace Joy Love - B
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