Dear Mom,
Well, Christmas is 9 days away. I feel a little lost right now. I want so much to call you and get your advice, hear your laugh, and get a phone hug. But, now, more than ever, Im hit with the fact that you are gone. There are no Christmas cookies this year. The smell of baked goods in our apartment comes from candles. I thought about baking, but it just hurts too much. I go buy the cookie ingredients, and the sugars and I start to cry. I've been thinking of something that I could do to honor your memory.
I've decided to watch your favorite movies so I could hear you laughing in the corners of my mind. Erica had a good idea. She said I should buy something and donate it. I just might do that, like buy a turkey for someone at your church. I'll have to contact Angela about it.
Anyway Mom, a lot has happened since I last wrote. I'm not talking to Tony anymore. He was very sketchy when it came to us getting together. This was after 5 months of texting 2 or 3 times a day. One day, I asked him to call me, and he never did. I decided not to chase him, and see if he ever would reach out, but he didn't. It's funny, I thought I was in love. Anyway, after about 3 weeks, I moved on. I stayed on my own for about a month. Then, I met Brad.
Brad is 49, divorced and white. He's an average middle-aged white guy, but he still has his hair. He has blue eyes and brown hair. He's about 6 feet with a bit of belly. We texted for about a month, and finally met in October. He's very nice, and he thinks I'm beautiful. When I'm with him, I feel sexy as hell. We have had sex. It's amazing. I feel free, and not ashamed of my body. I'm not in love with him, yet. But we talk about a lot of things, and we are gradually finding out each other's quirks. He has a good job, with great money. He has his own home in Athens. I think you would like him.
I'm working at Amazon as a sortation associate. I like my job, but to be honest the bloom has faded from the rose. I'm dreaming about packages, and warehouses. Everywhere I look, there are boxes waiting to be sorted and placed into routing bags for delivery. Even with my sleeping pills, I dream about it.
I notified SSA about my job, and I got a letter from them today saying my disability will continue for 6 more months. I was given a 9 month work trial. So, I get to keep my benefits until June 2021. I also got a check from Uncle Bill today for 2k, that is a gift from Aunt Berta. I've decided to save it toward a new Subaru Ascent. It's a really nice SUV that I've driven a few times as a loaner for when my car was in the shop. I love that car. There's plenty of room for everyone and their stuff.
I'm down to once a month for therapy sessions and once every 3 months for psychiatrist visits. I've been making a lot of decisions and figuring things out for myself. I'm not so needy anymore. I've finally developed those coping skills I've been trying to learn for the past 30 years.
Zelda the cat is just fabulous. She is the kitty I've always wanted. She's fun, affectionate and smart. She loves to play fetch. Zuko thinks she's pretty great, but Zabra can do without her most of the time. We are trying to do a rent to own house, and found one we love. We're just waiting to hear back from the agent. When we get settled, I want to get another cat and Erica wants a dog. She wants a Samoyed. It's a Nordic breed, medium-sized and fluffy. I hope we get the house. It's gorgeous, you would love it.
Well, I guess that's all for now. I just wanted to catch you up on all I've been doing. I really miss you. I've seen you pop in for visits just to check on me by way of a cardinal. I say hi, but you usually don't stay long. I saw you the other day, you stayed for a while. That was nice. I hope Aunt Berta is settling in okay. I'm sure you were glad to see her again. Tell her thank you for the gift. I miss her too. As always, tell grandmom, grandpop, nana, poppop, Uncle Millard and Aunt Neatsy I said hello. Things just aren't the same without you. I love you mommy, now and for eternity.
B
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