Oh! Where to start since my last post? Well, I guess first off, I am still cramping. My pap smear came back normal. But, I made an appointment with a gynecologist anyway. Pap smears can only tell you about your cervix. I think there is something going on with my ovaries or uterus. My appointment is November 9th. I'm a new patient, so I have to wait.
I have seen my psychiatrist and therapist twice since I last posted. My psychiatrist changed my meds and I am feeling better already. I have been in a depression for quite a while, and just wasn't seeing any improvement. I was falling behind in school, not bathing or eating as I should. I lost 5 lbs. Which is a good thing. I now weigh 222.5 lbs. I am still a long way off from my goal, but every little bit helps. I hope to get down to 175 lbs. by next year. I started my eating program in May of this year, so I have time. I really need to go walking. I stopped walking this summer because it was just too darn hot. Now that the temperature has dropped, and the days are crisp, I have no excuse.
My therapist, Mary, is simply the best. She is proud of the way I have been able to recognize and deal with my symptoms. I have dealt with most of my issues through prayer. I was ready my bible everyday, and doing daily devotions. I say was, because I have slacked off as late. I don't know what happened. Well, yes I do. Everytime I get depressed, I turn my back to God. You would think that I would run to Him at those times. But instead, the old tapes play in my head that no one loves me, not even God. So, I shut everybody out.
My mom was very ill last week. I had to rush her to the ER. She was dizzy, nauseated, weak, slurring her speech and had terrible pain in her feet and legs. At first, I thought she might be having a heart attack or stroke. They did a Cat Scan, MRI, took x-rays, blood work, urinalysis. Everything came back normal. They didn't have a clue what was happening with her. Anyway, they put her on fluids and pain meds, and a couple of days in the hospital she was better. She went in on Monday night and was home Wednesday afternoon. She is almost back on her feet. She has to use a walker, because her back is hurting from the hospital bed.
My favorite uncle was in the hospital last week too. He has 2 lesions on his brain, and was in excruciating pain. They wanted to operate but he is on a blood thinner for a heart condition, so they couldn't operate. He is at home now and resting comfortably. Both my mom and my uncle have home health care coming in. My mom needs physical therapy and a nurse. She had one before she got sick. It will probably start up again after I take her to the doctor on Wednesday. Did I forget to mention that while all this was going on, my aunt was out of town? She went to California for 2 weeks, so I am my mom's sole caregiver right now. I don't mind. I asked God to give me the privilege of caring for my parents because I see it as a sacred duty. It is exhausting though. I've never been so tired. Fortunately, I have been able to handle everything. My issues became non-existing when my mom got sick. I was just so focused on her, I forgot about my fears and depression. I think I grew up a little bit during this time. I am more mature. I had to call the family, and explain calmly and clearly what was going on with mom. I am a little proud of myself, if I do say so. I give all thanks, praise and glory to God for helping me pass this test. I did not panic, I did not cry and I did not take to my bed. Things needed to be done and I did them.
School is going well, I got my midterm grades and I have a solid B in my online class and an A in my on campus class. We have a project instead of a final paper or test in my on campus class. We are helping out a nonprofit organization get better developed. I took on the challenge of coming up with marketing strategies. So far, so good. The executive director of the organization is very happy with my work so far. I like the organization so much I became a monthly donor. It's called Speak for Animals. They provide low to no cost spay/neuters to low income and disabled people in impoverished neighborhoods. I am so excited about this project, it was just the thing I needed to get my creative juices flowing.
I've got all my Christmas shopping done already. I am waiting for one more thing to come in the mail, and then I will have everything wrapped packed and ready to mail. I am spending this Christmas with my dad again this year, and got him a big screen TV for his birthday which is December 21st. I got him a couple of little things for Christmas as well. I only want one thing for Christmas; some lace handkerchiefs. Just a little feminine thing to dab my eyes or blow my nose. I can't think of anything else I want. I'm a simple girl with simple tastes. I like seeing the look on everyone's faces as they open their gifts. That's the best part of Christmas for me. I like to give. Sometimes, people think I give too much, but that is how I show my love. I pay attention to people, and listen for clues for what they might like or want.
Well, I guess that catches you up for now. I am so tired of this election nonsense I can't stand it anymore. I have a doctor appointment on election day, but I will exercise my right and vote. Then maybe all the ads will stop and we can get on with life. No matter who wins, he/she will have a nation to repair in attitude and policy. Sometimes, I wonder what it would be like to live in another country, but then I think I would have to remain a US citizen. No matter what, this is still the best country in the world. Besides, I wouldn't know where to go. Take Care. Peace, Joy, Love - B
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