On August 27th, I will be post-hospitalization for 1 month. It feels like it was just yesterday that I walked out of those doors with a new attitude. I have settled back into home life rather easily, and no longer feel like a guest in my own room. I still am actively trying to do my ADLs (activities of daily living). I am doing pretty well with that, although there have been a couple days when I spent most of the day in my pajamas. But, what about now? How am I doing as of today?
I am still making daily goals, and meeting them. For example, today's goal was to see my doctor and take my mom out to run her errands. I know that doesn't seem like much, but if you know anything about me, you know that only a few months ago, I was terrified to leave my house for any reason. I was convinced that there was a man out there trying to kill me. I didn't want anyone to see me, even my own family. I tried my best to disappear.
Since getting out of the hospital, I go outside freely. Granted, I am still cautious, but I am out of the house. This past Tuesday, I started going to a place called Gateway House. It is a facility that has day programs for the functional mentally ill. You have to be referred by your doctor or therapist. My therapist and doctor both thought it would be good for me to have something to do during the day. Gateway doesn't offer group therapy, but they do have certified staff on hand in case you need to talk.
There are jobs to do to keep the place running, and those jobs are done by staff and members. We are called members, not patients. It is not a medical facility, but just a place to go so you're not alone. They keep attendance, so if you are not there one day, they call to make sure you are okay.
Gateway, my therapist, my doctor and my medication is all a combination to keep me stable. My doctor told me today he can't consider me stable until I go a year without a medication change. I am only 7 weeks into the changes made at the hospital. That means that my medication isn't fully in my system yet. Most meds take anywhere from 8 to 12 weeks to be fully effective. The only complaint about my meds that I have is that they make me sleepy, and it is difficult to get up in the morning. But, I can put up with that and adjust my schedule accordingly if it means I get to feel good.
It's been kind of weird to feel this good. I am so used to being miserable, that I forgot what happiness felt like. But, I promised myself that I would do all I could to chase the demons and monsters away. They've popped in, don't get me wrong, but I learned how to get rid of them.
I journal a lot on paper. It helps me analyze my feelings, and my responses. It's become a very important part of my day. Blogging is important too, but there are some things I need to keep a little closer to the vest for now. So, I have been feeling good for almost a month. That's another goal met. Now, it's onto the next month and the adventures it holds. Let's hope for the best.
Peace, Joy, Love - B
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