Sketches of a Bipolar Girl: The Dawn of My 60th Year

 

Okay, tomorrow is New Year's eve. 2025, the year I turn 60. What will that mean for me? I have no money, so I can't retire unless I hit the lottery. I haven't got a stable home and the past couple of months have seen me with food insecurity. My sister has reluctantly fed me on those occasions. 

This all wouldn't bother me so much, but I'll be late on the rent again. My phone almost got cut off last month, but worked out a payment arrangement. I am 99% sure that I have no car insurance. I get paid from Delta on the 8th, and my Social on the 10th. I may be able to make it with my payments. I got a couple of credit cards to pay. I made a goal to save $100 a month. It should be doable. I still owe Jerry $1000. I bet he thought I blew him off. 

So if all goes well, I'll have $800 for my birthday. Not that I know what I'm doing. 60 yrs old and no friends is pretty pathetic. I'm supposed to be going to church at least once a month to start out. I also plan to read a physical book once a month. I want to lose 5 lbs. a month. My bingo square for this month is a manicure. Maybe a pedicure, my toes are jacked up. I bought some Vaseline for my feet. I've decided I'm going to shower everyday. I know it sounds gross, but I've only showered once a week since my surgery. I was depressed, and disinterested in everything. 

I have a job interview tomorrow for a claims specialist position. I'm hoping that 1. It's legitimate and 2. it's well-paying. I hope it has some kind of benefits. I really want it to be for real. I had to have another talk with my supervisor today about my poor quality and inconsistencies. I'm basically on the verge of losing my job. My job is so easy, but it's almost mind numbing. I like that's easy, but I don't really care about it. Every once in a while I get a client that challenges me. Doesn't happen often enough. 

I don't know if I'm working Thursday and Friday. I requested it off, and was denied, but then got an email saying it was approved. Well, if I get a new job, the hours must be right, the pay must right and the atmosphere must be right. Oh well, when the sun rises on August 17th, my 60th birthday, I'm hoping to be a lot happier. I'm hoping I will no longer need a therapist and I'll be taking a lot less medicine. 

Another thing I'm hoping for is a social life. I want to start off at church and talk to people maybe go to some social functions. I also need to go to the movies by myself and take myself out to dinner. For example, I would really like to have a steak somewhere. I'm hoping to do that with my next payday. 

Okay, so that's the plan for my 2025. Good Luck, and Happy New Year. 

Sketches of a Bipolar Girl: Wrap Up 2024

 

Well, I remember a little about my last post. I think I was much more optimistic about things, but as usual things hit the crapper. I wrote back in June, when I made a sincere commitment to pursue some kind of acting career or work better at my job, but that never came to fruition. My fear of the world continues and I still haven't gone to church, taken any acting lessons, or art lessons. 

Here it is the end of the year, and I have accomplished nothing. I was in the hospital for rotator cuff surgery. I'm still in physical therapy. I hate every minute of it. My shoulder still hurts but that's just the story of my life. My leg hurts from 2012. 

I also had another bout of hyperglycemia. My sugar was up near 1000. I was in critical condition for 4 days. I was incontinent for 2 weeks. I hate having diabetes. I hate having bipolar. My depression is steady on the track. 

I have no motivation, no sense of belonging, nothing wanted or desired. So, I will Wish you Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. I'm going to sign off for now, and maybe check in with my wishes for the New Year.