Sketches of a Bipolar Girl: Contributing Member of Society

    

Well, I got a job!!!! Hooray!!! 

I am now a receptionist at Shepherd Animal Hospital.  It's full time, but it only pays $12 an hour.  Also, there's no benefits.  But, I don't care.  I have a job!! I am so damned excited.  The job is kind of easy.  Today was my 4th day.  

Yesterday, I worked the desk by myself.  The girl I was supposed to be working with got fired on Sunday.  I don't know all the scuttlebutt, but there you go.  Anyway, the day went pretty well.  I know how to make appointments, process payments, scan documents and notes on files.  

Apparently the other girl, who got fired, wasn't too good at her job.  She didn't follow instructions, etc.  Anyway, they told me, that I am doing well.  I can answer most of the questions, except if someone has a tech or doctor question.  I don't try to answer those questions because I'm not authorized to do so.  

At any rate, the people there are super nice, and they are all in their 20's.  I'm the grand old lady.  I'm going to get some hair dye on the way home tomorrow, because my grays are really showing.  I'm thinking of dying my eyebrows too. I've thought about it before, but I was afraid of getting dye in my eyes.  

I get to wear scrubs again, so I bought scrub sets from Amazon, and got a couple of long sleeved t-shirts from Walmart.  I'm all coordinated and look very cute.  I also got some orthotics that Dr. Walton recommended, and I wore them today. It worked out well. My ankle doesn't hurt so much because the orthotic prevents pronation. My leg is a little sore from walking more straight, but other than that, I can't complain. It still hurts, but not as bad. 

I'm getting a good amount of money back in taxes, and I still have my disability. I figure I'll notify them after I get a few paychecks.  So, I'll have 28 hours at the end of this week.  I think the pay periods run from Sunday to Saturday.  

In addition to the new job, I'm trying to get back to my acting classes, and I'm taking Spanish lessons online.  So far, it's going well.  Well, my year of attraction is working!! I still feel good and very positive.  I hope things continue on this course.  That's all for now.  Peace, Joy, Love - B 

Sketches of a Bipolar Girl: Great Expectations

 

It is the Year of Attraction for me. That's what I stated a couple of weeks ago. I said I would set my expectations for success and not settle for anything less than I deserve.  I had decided that I was going to view the world in a positive way and send out positive vibrations.  Well, who'd thunk it, but it works.  

I GOT A JOB!!!!!  It's not the high paying job at Suwanee Animal Hospital, but a small hospital in Duluth.  It only pays $12.00 per hour to start, but it's okay for now.  I just wanted a job.  I fully expect to get a raise in a few months.  I'm very excited about this.  The people there are very nice, the atmosphere is calm and it's only 15 minutes away. 

The downside?  Of course, the pay.  But I still have my disability.  It went up to $1520 a month this year, and with my pay from the new job, I will be able to get back on track eventually.  I will report it to the Social Security Department in a month or so, just to be on the safe side. 

I don't foresee any stressful problems that will cause me to have a breakdown or anything.  Like I said, the pace at this hospital is pretty slow as far as reception is concerned.  It's really just what I was looking for.  But, I'll see how it goes anyway. 

Everyone is really happy for me. I think that this has relieved April somewhat, in that she won't have to worry about my rent, or buying me food.  I did borrow $82.00 from Erica today, so I could order my scrubs from Amazon.  

The other downside to this job is that there aren't any benefits. So when I do finally get off Social Security, I'll have to find some health insurance. That will be interesting.  I haven't been without Medicare for almost 20 years.  

In other late breaking news, we got a dog!! That's right, we have another fur baby in the house.  He is a 5 month old husky mix. We named him Kyber.  Erica and I went to the Cobb County Animal shelter looking for a little Doberman puppy, but she had been adopted.  So, we looked at other puppies, and he just looked so scared and alone, we couldn't help it.  So, we brought him home. 

So far he's doing well for a puppy.  He has had some accidents in the house, but that's to be expected.  Erica is leash training him right now, and trying to get him to walk out of the door on his own.  He's gotten much better at that, since before she had to carry him in and out of the door.  He's starting to know his name.  I don't interfere too much in his training, etc., because he is Erica's dog.  

The cats don't pay much attention to him, so that worked out well.  Ky doesn't mess with them too much either, except when he wants to play.  Then, they back up and run away from him.  

Other than that, things are pretty much going great.  I texted my brother and told him about the job, and he was happy of course.  One day, I'm going to pay him back some of the money he's given me over the years.  But that's far in the future.  I'm going to have to learn how to space out my money and budget again, since I get paid biweekly on Thursdays.  Of course, with Chime I will get paid on Tuesdays, which is cool.  

My first day is this Friday, the 21st.  I have to move around most of my medical appointments, except for my eye appointment, Dr. Walton and my colonoscopy.  I don't want to change those.  Everything else will have to change to late February or March. I hope it all works out schedule wise.  I've had those appointments set for quite a while.  I suppose I could change Dr. Walton if need be.  Oh well, I'll worry about that a little later.  

In the meantime, the Laws of Attraction are working.  I am finally free of all the fear and worry of my life. I've put the past very far behind me. I'm still going to see my therapist just to keep myself grounded. Otherwise, I feel like a grown up adult human who is handling her life.  I have nothing but great expectations for my future.  Instead of dread, I'm looking forward to it.  Now, if I could just get this insomnia under control, I'd be doing something.  

Peace, Joy, Love - B

Sketches of a Bipolar Girl: Dear Dad

 

Dear Daddy, 

Hi, it's me Bev.  Well, it's been a year since you've been gone.  I face the day with a tiny bit of sadness and a bit of hope.  We've been doing okay since you left.  You told us to go ahead and live our lives, and that's what we've been doing. 

In the beginning, it was hard.  I felt like an orphan when you died.  I thought that with both you and mom gone, I was totally alone in the world.  But, I realized that I wasn't.  I still have April, Erica, Sean and Jerald.  I've only talked to him once this year.  He is still keeping his distance from me.  Maybe one day I can repair the rift between us.  

I also have been keeping in close contact with Aunt Gloria. We talk on the phone at least once a week.  In fact, I'm going to call her later today.  She's been a great comfort to me.  We talk about all kinds of things, not just you and mom.  

April is doing well at work.  Erica lost her job back in July.  It was not a good parting of the ways, but it was for the best as that job was making her sick.  It was a very toxic environment.  Jerald got a promotion to supervisor, so he is still working hard and doing well.  Sean is still driving the big rig for Amazon.  He has started training new drivers when he isn't driving himself.  He got transferred to a new site, but is still looking to move up here this year.  That's my hope anyway.  April worries about him being a truck driver.  

Me? Well, my ankle is finally healed and I am doing pretty well. I walk with a limp now because my ankle is now one piece, so it doesn't bend all the way for a normal gait.  But, other than that I have no complaints.  I mean I could complain, but what difference would it make?  It is what it is. 

Do you hear me when I talk to you?  There's a special star that I say is you, and I look up at it and talk to you.  I wish I had a recording of your voice, just so I could hear you once in a while, but I suppose that would be pitiful. I remember you in my mind and heart, so I suppose that's enough.  

I just turned in my notice to Amazon a few minutes ago.  I cannot be on my feet that long anymore.  I can walk around for about an hour before my ankle hurts and starts  to swell.  After that, I have to sit down for a while.  

I hope you're enjoying yourself.  I hope that it's everything that you hoped for and you get to see  Uncle Charles and Nana and PopPop.  Tell them I said hello.  I miss you daddy.  I'm no one's baby girl anymore. I'm just a grown up adult person. I finally learned to take care of myself.  I hope I make you proud.  I love you forever and a day. - B

Sketches of a Bipolar Girl: New Year, New Me?

 

Well, 2022 has reared it's ugly head on the world.  It promises nothing.  I suppose that we can expect the trend of death, poverty and despair to reign over the world for another 12 months.  I, however, am feeling positive.  

Why? Because I have decided that this is the year that something big is going to happen.  I'm not sure exactly what that will be, but I am determined not to go out of 2022 the same way I ended last year. 

I got in touch with a charity for rental assistance and was approved for 2 months of help.  I also applied for food stamps.  However, because I have a car, I only qualified for, are you ready for this?  Fucking $20.  That's it.  I guess I can buy a few things, but I ain't getting nothing good.  

I have a job interview on Monday with a local vet hospital.  It's a hospital that is part of a big organization, so I should be able to get the pay and benefits I want.  I hope I get.  I want to get out of this house and go to a job.  A year at home is quite enough thank you.  

I still haven't told Amazon I'm not coming back.  I see the doctor on the 5th, so I'll tell them then.  Regardless of whether I get this job on Monday, I can't go back.  My ankle is permanently damaged.  

We rang in the new year with some friends here at home.  We played board games, drank and shot of fireworks at midnight.  Everything broke up at 1:30 am.  I'm so glad I'm over my "oh my God, I gotta go to a party" phase of life.  I just don't give a shit about that stuff anymore.  I'm quite happy spending time watching old movies and cuddling with Zelda.  She loved the fireworks by the way.  

I started chatting online with a guy a week ago.  I'm not taking that seriously.  He sounds fishy. Plus, he supposedly lives in Miami and is going to France for 3 months.  Whatever dude.  I reply to him if I feel in the mood.  I'm not putting up with any bullshit from guys this year. I want a real gentleman, with a good job, who is looking for a committed relationship.  Anything else, keep on  steppin". 

Guess who called me a couple of weeks ago?  Kevin!!!! I was like, what the hell do you want. But, he just called to say hi I guess. As usual, he said he would call me later, but he never did.  I didn't call him.  He was still spouting the same crap as before. He still is a hobosexual. I wish him nothing but the best, but this girl ain't biting at that hook again.  Once I stop and think about it, the sex was only mediocre.  

I am thinking about getting a lover just for sex purposes. Kinda like what I had with Brad, except with a little more fun.  I would like to go out once in while as friends.  We can just be friends who fuck regularly.  Is there such a thing? 

I suppose I sound a little harsh, but I've had my heart open for several years now, putting other people before myself.  I'm not doing that anymore. 2022 is the year of selfcare.  If you can't deal with the fact that I am the most important person in my life, then I have no place for you.  If you want to join me on my journey, by all means, climb aboard!! 

Am I making resolutions? Nope, don't believe in them.  I'm going to focus on some goals.  The first goal is to improve my financial situation.  Once I do that, I am going to travel a little.  I've never been to Savannah, Las Vegas, or Washington, DC.  I've only been to New Orleans once.  I'd like to go back.  Hopefully, this COVID shit will calm down or possible be eradicated and people will be okay again.  I doubt it, but I'm praying.  Speaking of praying, that is another goal.  I need to get back in touch with my spiritual side.  I've been lax in that area.  I'm also going to really concentrate on letting go of my creativity.  Once the finances are straightened out, I want to take an art class.  I don't care what kind at this point.  I started taking Spanish lessons.  It's pretty fun.  I have to make a commitment to it.  

Well, I guess that's it.  I'm going to make a list of these goals.  I don't have to do them all this year, just the financial one.  Everything else will fall into place after that.  So it's a New Year.  On the 6th, it will be a year since my dad died.  I'm not sad.  I was a little melancholy on his birthday, Dec. 21st.  But, it was a good day.  We'll see what happens next week.  Maybe my goal will be met.  In fact, I claim it in Jesus's name.  I am financially secure and my family doesn't need anything else for the rest of our lives.  We are living life like it's golden!!